OAP Toke Makinwa is the cover star on the latest edition of Glam Africa Magazine where sh serves up a fierce look.
She discusses cheating, keeping an opposite sex as friends won’t work cause they might get attracted to each other at point and so much more.
Toke who recently filed for a divorce from estranged husband Maje Ayida, over infidelity and trust issues, says despite her painful experience, she believes a couple can come back from infidelity if they are both willing to work on it.
A few highlights below:
On the impact of her Vlog:
The series was not something I took seriously at first… I didn’t realise it would be so successful. No one seems to talk about the problems they have and I wanted to be the friend in your head, to voice what you normally wouldn’t.
I wanted to connect with people on a different level.
On if a couple can be in love but not feel physically attracted to each other:
I have come to understand that love is beyond what we think it is. In our generation, what we define love to be can come across as superficial and, in most cases, unrealistic. Love is friendship that grows. It takes a lot of work to love someone, even when they’re at their lowest; it’s not for the faint-hearted. Love is a conscious thought; it is constantly forgiving and looking beyond flaws. So yes, I believe that attraction is fleeting and it is possible to love someone that you don’t desire physically. But as time passes, love grows.
A lot of our parent’s marriages were arranged. In the past that happened a lot but they somehow made it work. It is a selfless act only for people who know that it’s not all a walk in the park. Life happens. You might fall for someone for their physical attributes, but then what happens if there is an accident? If they don’t look the same? If they stop being attractive? Do you then move on? Attraction is a blessing it’s an extra topping; not what defines the cake.
On if it is possible for married men to have a genuine female ‘best friend’ and maintain a platonic relationship:
People say it is possible but I use myself as an example. I have never had a male friend who didn’t fancy me at some point. In as much as I would love to say guys and girls can just be friends, I don’t believe in it. It starts from someone wanting more and maybe in the process they then build a friendship that is more important to both parties; they choose to develop that.
I feel that we are wired differently and I am of the opinion that your partner should be your best friend. God made Adam for Eve, and not Eva, Evelyn and Everett…The moment your partner gets comfortable having a best friend that is not you, it is just leaving room for an unnecessary story. Don’t get me wrong, he is allowed to have female acquaintances and people he is friendly with, but I don’t believe his best friend should be another female. If she’s your best friend, what am I?
On if she believes in second chance:
Matters of the heart are tough, incredibly tough. Cheating is bad; it is a cancer that eats you up; it destroys everything. You see a confident woman become a shadow of herself when she has been cheated on. It is one of the most painful things, ever and though some people make it work, it definitely cannot be the same again. It is like a broken mirror, the cracks will always be there but in time, the scar can become beautiful and a place only of reference, not a destination.
People can come back from it. If both parties are willing and if the cheat understands what his or her actions cost their partner. And of course, with the grace of God, watching another person suffer for the choice you selfishly made is so heart breaking – that is what cheating does. People grow up, people change [and] everyone deserves a second chance as we ask God for forgiveness daily, but it may not be with each other. Sometimes the brokenness is irreparable and you can forgive someone without being in their lives